The crowd sent up a great cheer when Kernul
Killbuck boldly announced the United Fronts of Apokiliptika were
joining together to launch a communist space venture for the good of
all peoples. When the great day arrived in Terminal City, he kissed
the cheeks of the brave cosmonauts and awarded them the coveted Oven
Mitt of Valor as they boarded their rocket and prepared to launch on a
mission so secret, even they knew nothing of their noble destiny.
That was 35 years ago, and now we sit in our dilapidated, stinking
husk of outdated space debris, begging for supplies even though our
funding was cut after the first month of the mission.
"Please Kernul, we beg you-- Send more Tang and Space Food Sticks.
Also, please tell us why we have been doing oven mitt research for 35
years and how it can possibly be for the good of the people."
Signed,
Science Officer Jellyfish
Doomed and Forgotten
... IN SPACE!!!
Female Cosmonauts
Wanted... IN SPACE!
1974 Mission Recruiting Begins
(to reach Burning Man in 2007)
Now that the four male cosmonauts are under
intensive testing, training and re-education, it's time to begin
recruiting the more crucial members of our crew. To
apply, click here.
There will be two different ways to
participate in Labwërks:
1. Cosmonaut
One of a selected seven member crew entrusted with the
running of the camp, infrastructure, art contribution, theme nights,
security, play-acting, and their own costume construction. Camps and
sleeps within the small Labwërks compound. Each Cosmonaut will be
assigned their own theme night that they will stay and run as host to
visitors.
2. Cosmo-Naughty
Not responsible for any of the above. Space friends
with a good sense of humor who like to dress up in space gear and
participate in skits and vignettes under five minutes long. Must
drink or move in slow motion whenever somebody says the word "space"
to which the correct reply (in German accent) is: "Yah... In space"...
Current recruiting efforts are for females only, to balance out the
crew and ensure the propagation of Apokiliptikans on distant worlds
should we meet our doom in Terminal City.
Why Oven Mitts?
by Science Officer Mister Jellyfish, August 27, 1974
It was a cold beyond cold. The frost
bit into my bones and the core of my being shook with longing as I
stood in line for the third day. I was staggering from lack of
sleep and malnutrition when I found myself, finally, at the front of
the cue.
"How much bread can I have, my family is
starving." I said to the well fed official seated at the makeshift
wooden table between two armed guards.
"No bread, only mitts!" he barked as he pushed
toward me four oven mitts of different colorful designs and flowered
patterns. The colors began to whirl as the blackness closed in
around my vision. The last thing I heard was his gravely voice
shouting "Next!" as the guards dragged me away.
I awoke in the snow and ice to find the
cheery mitts covering my hands and feet and was thankful to the guards
for saving me from assured frostbite. As I hobbled home, I
recounted a speech from our great leader about the blessings and many
uses of oven mitts and how they symbolized the united workers of our
great society.
Who was I to question his despotic wisdom?
It was true that oven mitts had many uses. At that very moment
they comforted me as gloves and shoes. One could employ them as
a:
Holster
Vodka bottle cozy
Bread warmer
Premature baby bag
Camera case
Contraceptive
...and so much more
Thank you, Kernul Killbuck,
for knowing that the blessing of the oven mitt is the answer to our
longings and a beacon of truth for the people. It is a great
honor to myself and the crew of Labwërks to continue your oven mitt
research in space for the betterment of our collective future under
your iron rule!
Copyright 2004, 2005,
2006,2007 By Mister Jellyfish
.JPG)
